Once upon a time there lived
A reindeer who enjoyed a drink
He drunk until he could not think
And Rudolph was his name
One evening Rudolph, fuelled by gin
Took Santa's sleigh out for a spin
The gaffer's patience, wearing thin
Fired him straight away
Oh Rudolph, what have you gone and done?
Got sacked by Santa Claus!
Caught drinking on the job
You've fallen off the horse
Got merry every day
But now my friend
You'll never fly on Christmas Eve again
Then one fateful Boxing Day
With Santa snoozing, Elves away
Mrs Claus played reindeer games,
With Rudolph's grand North Pole
With Mrs Santa up the duff
Santa blew his frosty nut
Called Rudolph a jolly c...
And told them both to go
Oh Rudolph, what have you gone and done?
Thrown out by Santa Claus
Caught drinking on the job
You got what you deserved
But what if you could mend that dodgy sleigh?
Then you could fly on Christmas Eve again!
Oh Santa, mate, I broke your sleigh
Spilt cider in the engine bay
The lights are fucked, the bells don't work
Ah santa I've been such a jerk
Oh Rudolph, mate, it's Christmas night!
I really need that sleigh to fly!
Well Santa, if I have a pint, my nose goes red, it's pretty bright
Ok my son, I'll need one too, and one for luck to get us through the night!
Oh Rudolph, what have you gone and done?
Got drunk with Santa Claus
You left him seeing stars
The kids never got their toys
You messed it up once more
And now my friend
You'll never fly on Christmas Eve again
You'll never fly on Christmas Eve again